What Pam Carey
is Working On
"Terms for Endearment: Rules for Adult Children with Elderly Parents" is the working title
of Pam's next book. Here's a sample:
SEE PAM'S APPEARANCE on the FOX NEWS "Rhode Show"
Pam's parents, Ev and Walt, were in no way extraordinary. They did not abuse; they were not alcoholics or schizophrenics; they did not suffer from bi-polar disease or obsessive compulsion. They were loving, involved parents and devoted partners. However, Pam's relationship with them shifted when they became dependent on her during each of their final three months. Hers is the story of millions of sons and daughters who must balance their own very full lives with the daily concerns for their parents' survival and their own self-preservation.
TERMS FOR ENDEARMENT will provide tongue-in-cheek lessons based on the bizarre, laughable, memorable antics of Pam's ninety-year-old parents. It will also provide tongue-in-cheek lessons based on her navigation through hospital surgeries, rehab facilities, nursing homes, health care agencies, parental alienation, and family rivalries. A HANDBOOK will provide levity while dealing with a demanding, stressful world that is neither black nor white, a world of laughter and tears.
SAMPLE FROM CHAPTER ONE
Tarzan and Jane Have Left the Premises
Rule One: Bite the Bullet - Move Them Closer
"Loss of muscle mass, it's all about the muscle mass," I tried to explain
to them. "We all start to lose eight percent every decade after age forty.
You can't be shoveling the turnaround in the driveway anymore - you could
have a heart attack! Besides, the cost of plowing is getting ridiculous! And
you shouldn't expect to maintain two acres by yourselves." I struggled for
air, replayed my ranting, and caught my mother counting stitches in her
knitting. My father was studying something out the window. They had tuned me
right out.
Tarzan and Jane, a.k.a. Mom and Dad, a.k.a. Ev and Walt, simply hibernated like cave dwellers during their winters in Connecticut. At ages eighty-three and seventy-nine, they were still in remarkably good shape with all their marbles. Yet the only gray world they encountered outside their windows in the winter was the overheated grocery store, drafty post office, or general practitioner's office, where germs bred like an incubator.
"What if you fell and broke something? I'm in Florida and Cindi's in
Virginia. Then what???"
"Of course you're right, dear!"
I knew what that meant. They were going to "Yes" me to death! I
softened my approach. "How about if I get the cleaning service back that you
discontinued?" I was thinking of the rings in the toilets and tabletop dust
my mother couldn't see, because of her glaucoma.
"Pam, you know how nervous that made us, not knowing any of those
people! I had to hide all my valuables every time they came, and then I
couldn't remember where I'd put them. Besides, I always felt I had to do
some light cleaning beforehand, so they wouldn't think we were slobs."
It was time for action!! Let's face it, elderly parents aren't
going to admit their property is overgrown with weeds, they are eating
cheese and crackers as their primary source of protein, or all but a few
friends have died.